Stuck

Sometimes, I wonder why is it harder to write (by a deadline) than write freely what I want to say? I could write any short essays or texts for my teaching materials only in a minute or two, moreover pour my ideas, feeling, or other emotional pieces here. 

Somebody asked me this afternoon to write my journey in a brief essay, but it's really hard to find any proper words to say...ugh. It also happens many times when my friends asked me to join a collaborative writing, such delivering our teaching process or else in a cozy way. Hmm, still wondering, what's going on with this mind?

To write a formal essay, I used to need more than a week to find a good hook, make a brainstorm, write, revise, and so on. Surreal. It's just annoying that cause me to think (rethink) my future career to be a professional writer (:D) such an odd dream huh if I look at the way I write, or if I notice my workings recently. Neither becoming a scientific writer nor a fiction author bothers me a lot. I never encourage myself that much to run in this path. I only write when I love doing so, sharing in my blogs, fb, or my goddess secret diary :) I tried to read all the books related in my own, do anything that can improve my writing but I never take any formal training or involve in a great writers group which will help me much, could be. Hmm, it might be hard to do because I don't struggle to be like what I'd like to imagine. It appears...stuck.